I
walked into the office this morning and someone (who has begged me to
protect his identity) was drinking some strong smelling tea. His
response to my raised eyebrow was “herbal tea! It’s medicinal”. The look
on his face got me laughing crazily. “You sound like you’re trying to
convince me… like those guys in the danfos and molues in Lagos”.
If you’ve ever used the public transport system in Lagos you would be familiar with these words “Ginseng
powder! It will clear your bladder. If you want to give your wife well
well… just drink it. It will make you strong gidigba. It will make your
problems go away“. There is nothing that’s not sold in the bus:
bleach, pot cleaner, medicated soap, drugs, alligator pepper. Honestly,
I’m not making this up.
Just after secondary school, I got a job
in the cash office of a gas marketing company so I’d take the early
morning bus from Mile II to Wharf and the traders are there. The kind of
aggressive marketing that takes place on commercial buses in Lagos can
be taught as a course at the Lagos Business School. The only rivals to
the aggressive marketers are the aggressive preachers. They would preach
from CMS to Mile II, pausing intermittently to share fliers and glare
at the unresponsive passengers.
Because, we’re traditionally religious,
most people join in the praise and worship session. Sometimes, the
preacher has extra tambourines to share to the newly acquired
congregation. After the praise and worship session, the sermon will
begin. The preacher could usually tell the people imbued with the spirit
of the devil as they’re the ones staring out of the window (like yours
truly). Actually, I liked to keep my eyes open to see if the preacher
would pay his fare especially as the bus conductor (also imbued with the
spirit of the devil) wouldn’t stop his job and join in the prayer.
Sometimes, the worship session in the
bus comes with the preacher reading testimonies from the pamphlet (which
he usually urges people to buy for JUST N20) - “Last
week, my sister who had been long overdue for marriage called to inform
me of her engagement and impending wedding in the next two weeks“.
After reading a couple of testimonies and resounding AMENS to the
prayers, a few more people will ask for copies of the pamphlet. They
need to tap into the anointing in the paper.
Many times, the preacher doubles as a
pharmacist and a herbal tea vendor, so their yelling doesn’t actually
stop till you either get down at your stop or you guys get to your
destination. Some of us are just thinking, “Somebody…. make it STOP!
Please!”
I mean, sometimes you just want to get
on your ride in peace without any kind of noise, music, preaching, and
drama. I remember a time a few years ago, we took the subway from
Brooklyn towards Manhattan and some “Jah RastaFarai” guy was
beating his conga and singing off key. It drove me crazy. As I was
mumbling to my friend, he said “That guy looks like Majek Fashek sha”. I
laughed so hard. Till we got off, I kept trying to see if it was really
the Nigerian Reggae artiste, the noise he was making automatically took
a back seat
Anyway guys, I shall love you and leave
you for now. Please share your interesting public transport experiences
and have a fabulous ginseng-free week ahead! 
Peace, love & cupcakes!
Toodles!
P.s
I love this song by- “Stand” by Rascal Flatts! It resonates deep in the corner of my heart!
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