I
walked into the office this morning and someone (who has begged me to
protect his identity) was drinking some strong smelling tea. His
response to my raised eyebrow was “herbal tea! It’s medicinal”. The look
on his face got me laughing crazily. “You sound like you’re trying to
convince me… like those guys in the danfos and molues in Lagos”.
If you’ve ever used the public transport system in Lagos you would be familiar with these words “Ginseng
powder! It will clear your bladder. If you want to give your wife well
well… just drink it. It will make you strong gidigba. It will make your
problems go away“. There is nothing that’s not sold in the bus:
bleach, pot cleaner, medicated soap, drugs, alligator pepper. Honestly,
I’m not making this up.
Just after secondary school, I got a job
in the cash office of a gas marketing company so I’d take the early
morning bus from Mile II to Wharf and the traders are there. The kind of
aggressive marketing that takes place on commercial buses in Lagos can
be taught as a course at the Lagos Business School. The only rivals to
the aggressive marketers are the aggressive preachers. They would preach
from CMS to Mile II, pausing intermittently to share fliers and glare
at the unresponsive passengers.
Because, we’re traditionally religious,
most people join in the praise and worship session. Sometimes, the
preacher has extra tambourines to share to the newly acquired
congregation. After the praise and worship session, the sermon will
begin. The preacher could usually tell the people imbued with the spirit
of the devil as they’re the ones staring out of the window (like yours
truly). Actually, I liked to keep my eyes open to see if the preacher
would pay his fare especially as the bus conductor (also imbued with the
spirit of the devil) wouldn’t stop his job and join in the prayer.
